recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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