haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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