Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
