That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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