I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
