Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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