I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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