Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize