dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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