OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
