He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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