omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
