I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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