bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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