so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
