Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
