I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
