drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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