We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
