Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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