ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
