3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So drunk its hurt
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
