i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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