I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
