We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
