No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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