ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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