Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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