I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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