the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's get the cat blown out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize