There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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