I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
