so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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