My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
