Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
