so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
