CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
