take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize