Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
