Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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