come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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