I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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