: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
