so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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