ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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