Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
