I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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