it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I wish you could order shots online.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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