I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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