I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
