Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
