this boner is exhausting
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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