Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize