shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
