Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize