the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
