I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
