I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
