Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
