I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
