Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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