You're completely useless in the revolution.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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