If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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