can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He kissed a someone with a penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
