I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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