it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
