Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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