new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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