OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
