We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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