Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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