you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
