how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
