I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
do herpes really smell.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
