sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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