He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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