just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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