I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
