sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
