i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
