I looked at my own cervix.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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