There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
