The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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