Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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