Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
