Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
