: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
