If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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