I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
