I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
