Where is the hickey?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize