just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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