you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
