apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
