11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
