it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
