exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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