Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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