fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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