I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
