Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize