you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
