this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
