Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
