Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
