im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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