god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize