i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
