Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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