I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
